May 15, 2009

But what i really meant to say was...

On A Busy Friday Night.

Patron: “Could I get some ranch for my french fries?”

G.H: “Absolutely, is there anything else I can get you while I’m back there?”

(What I meant: “Absolutely, but if you need anything else and don’t tell me until I get back I’ll cut your fucking balls off spit in your drink..”)

Upon returning-

Patron: “Oh, I actually meant Ketchup, not ranch”

G.H: “No problem, anything else you need”

(What I meant: “They are not even similar in any way, how could you confuse the two, stupid douche rocket. Oh, and thanks for wasting my time, if I get a shitty tip from another table cause I wasted all night on your useless errands I’ll blog terrible stuff about you and use your full name.”)

Upon returning-

Patron: “Actually, can I get some extra napkins to?”

G.H: “When I get a minute, I’ll bring them right out”

(What I meant: Fuck you and your napkins. When you stop me again in 20 minutes, I’ll apologize and act like I forgot, then I’ll go in the back and pull some napkins out of the garbage and you'll never fucking know!”


purplegirl said...

Doucherocket it my new favorite word.

G.H. said...

awesome...cause "greedy table thieving" is my new favorite phrase!

purplegirl said...

Okay, it's an even swap then. :)