July 1, 2009

The Lettuce is Dirty

Due to rapid oxidation of cut fruits and vegetables, a light brownish tint often appears. This is in no way dangerous to your health, and the food item is still perfectly safe to eat.
This is a fact that I though everyone in the world was aware of. I admit it is not the most glamorous thing to look at, and the thought of eating it may even cause us to cringe, but the simple knowledge that it is a natural reaction, and completely harmless give us relief while taking a big bite. At the steakhouse we go through a lot of salad mix. It is hard to catch every piece of lettuce that has a slight discoloration, but we do try to make sure the salads we serve are presentable, and look appetizing.

During a slow evening shift this week, I had the pleasure of serving a family that had apparently been living under a rock since before the Stone Age. Loud grunts and snorts were their means of communication, as was picking lice out of each others hair, and hunting for dinner with wielded clubs.

Caveman: "Messss, S'cuse me messs"
GH: "Yes sir, how can I help you?"
CM: "Salliddds durt"
GH: "I'm sorry, did you say the salad is dirty?"
CM: "Yuss. Look. Its bruwn...still has durt."
GH: Looking forward, and noticing a few tiny brown specks on the spine on the Romaine lettuce "Oh, sir, thats nothing to worry about it. The lettuce is just beginning to oxidize. Its perfectly safe."
CM: "Nooaa... its durrt. I wann new one. Plezz go out bak and pick somme freshh let-us from garden. Make shurre to wash let-us befor return."

Oh good Christ. Fresh lettuce? Garden? Really. "Oh sir. No problem at all, but you'll have to give me a few extra minutes out in the garden, as I also have to water the tomatoes, and compost your leftovers for next seasons harvest."

14 comments:

purplegirl said...

I'm just about speechless. What kind of maroon thinks a restaurant has a garden out back? :)

Bella said...

bless your heart. I know being a public servant is a hard job especially with quite a few pricks in this world!!!!

AK said...

HAHA. I had a huge aversion to brown lettuce but that guy sounds out of control. If you're a weirdo you should be banned from public places until you find out how the world works.

SkippyMom said...

I love the way you wrote his speech. Priceless. :)

Geans said...

Garden? Priceless.

Your blog is so great (and informative)! I'm glad I found it by accident. I'm hooked, and resolve to be the best customer I possibly can.

redgirl said...

Good comeback with the tomatoes. Honestly!

Anita Bier said...

Loving the lice part :)


www.crazypeopleiveworkedwith.com

toastonthefly said...

Well, that's something...

Don't forget to feed the cows while you're back there.

thairade said...

Your link is officially posted.

Thanks for the props!

James Mortimer said...

Nice post, and great blog. Love the background.

brit said...

agh you're hilarious!

hoppytoad79 said...

Your mistake was using words that have more than one syllable. He probably thought 'oxidize' had something to do with the lettuce becoming a dirt magnet.

I wasn't aware of why, specifically, lettuce develops the brown edges until reading your post, but I've known it's a non-issue and happily enjoyed many salads over the years.

Sauce said...

I've added you to my blogroll! Love your stuff!

Aimee said...

A few years ago when my friend worked in KFC, a customer asked her if they killed the chickens out the back...

Also, just found this blog :)