I don't want children. I never have, and I probably never will. I think I lack a basic maternal instincts that women swear is inherit in all of us. I get glares from people when I tell them I'm not interested in raising kids, or that I really don't like babies. Women get so offended, almost as if not wanting children is blasphemous. I rarely share my opinion for fear of being stoned to death.
Problem is, I hate taking the Pill. The hormones have made me crazy, headachy, and helped me easily pack on the marriage 20lbs that I swore I would avoid. So recently my husband and I began joking that I should just have a hysterectomy. (OK, so maybe we were only half joking, though I doubt they would even do the procedure on someone so young.)
Well, about a week ago I saw this on Cake Wrecks, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I began doing some serious research, and even made a few calls to women that I knew had the procedure done, all of them unanimously agreed that I should do nothing of the sort. They all said they felt the same at my age, but later decided they really wanted a family after all.
Nothing they said mattered. I had hysterectomy on the brain. I wanted nothing more then for my surgeon to filet my uterus into bite size pieces and remove them one by one from my abdominal cavity.
And then I had this dream.
I was lying in a hospital bed post-op. I was feeling weak, and leaned forward for a glass of water when I heard someone weeping. I looked around to identify the sound when I saw my Uterus sitting up in a chair next to me.
Uterus: "Why would you want to get rid of me? We still had so many good years left together."
GH: "It's nothing personal Uterus. I just don't want children and this was the easiest way."
Uterus: "You're going to regret this."
Suddenly my Uterus leaps forward and starts stabbing me. My ovaries start a war chant, and my fallopian tubes wrap around my neck and start choking me.
In the struggle for my life I jerk awake, and see husband laughing at me. Apparently I woke him up shouting "NO Uterus, NO!!"
Now, I've never been one to interpret dreams, but honestly, a bloodthirsty Uterus avenging its death by murdering me?! What the fuck?
Maybe for now I will leave my lady parts alone, and who knows, maybe my friends are right and eventually when I'm older I will want that family after all.
July 7, 2009
Your Uterus Said What?
Post by G.H. at 1:05 PM
Labels: a strange and awkward situation, chaos and insanity, NSFW, TMI, what the fuck
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28 comments:
I can't take bc pills AT ALL. They turn me into the dragon lady. Fire breathing and all.
I know they don't like to use them on women who haven't had children because of the infinitesimally small chance that it will implant in your uterus (which you have already declared war on....)
But I have been using a Mirena IUD successfully for 5 years now. They are AWESOME. They deliver a tiny dose of those hormones directly to your uterus (not free floating at a giant dose through your whole body just to get that tiny bit to your uterus) and they stay in place for 5 years.
Hubby wants a vasectomy, but I worry about him doing this, being only 32. With the Mirena, there's no need to worry about it at all. It ROCKS.
(The Domestiquette has graciously given you TMI TMI TMI just to be helpful LOL)
I feel your pain! I, too, don't want children--never have, and probably never will (and totally resent it when other women tell me "Oh, you'll change your mind someday," because I'm all like "OH NO I WON'T, YOU FREAKIN' LUNATIC"). Yesterday, I had to work this event for the public, and there were all these obnoxious parents there with their bratty little children. My co-workers get a chuckle out of it when I tell them, "Condoms are 99.9% effective as a method of birth control, but Movie Night is 100% effective!" ;)
Definitely look into other birth control options! There are a lot of longer-term ones out there that shouldn't have the same effects the pill do, and if you get a 5-year implant you won't have to worry about it for a long time.
First I would like to point out that I love that you used that picture from Cake Wrecks. I know that if I turned off the babymaker I'd want to celebrate the moment with a cake.
I currently take the pill and have been lucky enough to have no issues at all and actually love it. I know I am lucky in this however as my younger sister had to try about five different kinds before finding something she could tolerate.
Ah the joys of being a woman!
Just get your tubes tied. Very easy, practically pain free. I've been happy as a clam since I got mine done.
I second the Mirena recommendation, I have it and it is wooonderful. No periods at all for me.
However, I do think that you need to get checked out by an OB/GYN. Your symptoms sound alot like a friend of mine who suffers from endometriosis (sp?).
See what the Dr. says and see if they can get you some relief.
I was one of the ones who didn't want kids and everyone told me I'd change my mind. I never did. Don't let other people push their opinions or ideas on you. I wanted to get my tubes tied but I was ok on the pill and it was cheaper so I went that route. But in your case, tying your tubes sounds like a good option. It's much quicker and easier than it was when I looked into it. Good luck.
I don't blame you for not wanting kids--a year working in a "family" restaurant has greatly soured my opinion on them. However, I would look into less-extreme options than a hysterectomy. Not because I think you'll change your mind about kids, but rather because it's a major surgery that will seriously fuck with your hormones.
I haven't had any serious problems on the Pill, but my best friend has. You could try an IUD, an insert like NuvaRing, or getting your tubes tied. Good luck with whatever you choose!
"I was one of the ones who didn't want kids and everyone told me I'd change my mind. I never did. Don't let other people push their opinions or ideas on you."
I definitely agree, however, having surgery is permanent - and in that case you can't ever change your mind.
I strongly dislike other peoples' kids (no one seems to raise their kids nowadays with any ounce of respect) and honestly, I have no idea what to do with them half the time. I always joke that they should be leashed and muzzled at all times. HOWEVER, becoming pregnant (while on the pill!) changed my entire perspective on things (not towards other people's kids, mind you, but towards having my own).
Don't let others push you around, but I'd be cautious of making such a permanent decision so early. Perhaps wait a bit ;)
Fifty-plus male who doesn't want kids point of view.
My first wife couldn't have kids, the heart problem that killed her at 45 would have done it sooner if she got pregnant. So she had a tubal ligation in her mid 20s. We both knew that I'd outlive her by decades, so I got a vasectomy at 36. When sex became a talking point with my current (second) wife, I told her that I shoot blanks and since she doesn't want kids either, that was fine with her. Unfortunately, she had to get a total hysterectomy due to benign tumors (she has tuberous sclerosis). So I've seen all three methods of permanent birth control.
IMO, any woman who would have a hysterectomy for birth control should have her head examined. It's major abdominal surgery with all the associated risks, cost and long recovery. And uterus removal while leaving the ovaries has a risk of ectopic pregnancy, which will likely kill you. Tubal ligation, while less invasive and expensive, still invades the abdominal cavity with the same risks. Once again, ectopic pregnancy is a risk.
Since you are both in agreement that you don't want kids, your husband should get a vasectomy. It's (relative to the other two) cheap, the risk of complication is much lower, he'll be in and out of the doctor's office in under an hour and the recovery involves sitting in the recliner with a beer in hand and bag of frozen veggies in his crotch for the weekend. Honest, it hurts less than getting kicked in the jewels! Though, when the Dr's assistant said, "Oops!" I was a mite concerned. She had just dropped an instrument. :-) If he says something like, "What if we get divorced/you die/we change our minds?" he can bank some sperm. I didn't. A weekend of minor pain for a lifetime of peace of mind.
Why a full on hysterectomy? Why not just get your tubes tied or have hubby snip a snip?
Not many doctors will do a full on hysterectomy just because you don't want to have kids [although I say your body, your choice] - you would need a medical reason to remove your whole uterus.
All that aside, I completely respect your desire not to have children and I wish I was out with you one night having a drink when someone made a caustic remark about you not wanting/liking kids 'cause I would dump my drink on them.
And I have six kids. :) To each his own, I say, and I am sorry that you have to put up with that crap.
I loved your post, especially about part about the nightmare :).
TMI Warning:
Having suffered from endometriosis (which sucked btw) I had to have an ovary removed. The pain from the condition was so bad that I almost wanted to ask them to take out everything. But they only removed the one ovary and I have to say that things are much much better. But to remove that one ovary and the masses that had accumulated due to the endometriosis was major invasive adominable surgery that meant no driving or lifting anything over 5 pounds for a minimum of 6 weeks. And a big nasty scar.
End TMI Warning
I agree with other commenters that there are better less drastic ways to combat pregnancy. Not to mention your reproductive system creates hormones that keep your body in balance. Estrogen supplement is similar, but not exactly the same as the natural estrogen produced by our own bodies.
I can totally relate when you say you don't want kids. I've been saying the same thing ever since I was a waitress. I like kids when they hit about 10, because at least then you can have a reasonable conversation with them. The best thing I like about volunteering with kids and teens (which I do regularly) is that I can give them back.
Thanks everyone for the detailed comments. Don't worry though I am not going to have a hysterectomy. As for now I will probably just stay with the pill...Yuck!
But you all suggested some great things that I will look into. I liked Gene's description of the vasectomy. A beer and frozen veggies. Sounds like a plan..
Also, a quick thanks to Google. I love that all my page adds now only have to do with OBGYN, Fallopian Tubes, and other things of the sort.
It's so nice to find that there are other people like me that don't want kids. Older folk WITH kids try to make you feel like there's something wrong with you...and the "you'll change your mind when you're older" comment makes me so angry. Are they in my head? Do they know how I feel? I hightly dooubt it.
And about removing the uterus, I think many of the readers are missing the point. No uterus, no tubes.....NO PERIOD. No CRAMPS. No I WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE STOMACH B/C IT WILL HURT LESS THAN IT DOES NOW. Yes, I believe that will suffice :)
look into getting your tubes tied instead of a hysterectomy - I heard once on a documentary that it KILLS your libido. Like a guy getting castrated! Also, I think (maybe) that tubal ligation can be reversed. You might change your mind, you might not. I have 3 kids and got my tubes tied. Weird thing is, I felt 'not whole' afterwards. Bizzare.
But - DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM. Kids are hard enough when you adore them.
If you don't want kids - get the Mirena IUD
If you're sick of monthly cramps - get the Mirena IUD
If you're tired of dealing w tampons and pads etc - get the Mirena IUD
If you forget to take the Pill/don't like its side effects/are tired of paying for the Rx every month - get the Mirena IUD
If you don't want to have to worry about birth control for 5 whole years (!!) - get the Mirena IUD
Can you tell I am a fan of this BC method?!? I had PMDD on the pill and anti-depressants didn't help. I tried 3 diff brands of the pill, 2 different anti-depressants; then they decided I was bipolar and put me on a mood stabilizer. This made me feel like I didn't care about ANYTHING - a really great thing when you're prepping for 2nd year graduate school qualifying exams (not). Then I got the Mirena. And found a new shrink. Now I don't have to take any pills at all, yay!
Not saying this would work for everyone, but it's worth a try! I got my IUD put in at Planned Parenthood, it barely cost anything and I was in and out in 1.5 hours (including waiting time). I had bad cramps for 2 days afterward, but then - no worries! No more periods, no more cramps, no more PMDD! Amazing.
Good luck w your decision(s). I was CERTAIN I didn't want kids. Then I turned 28, and it was like someone flipped a switch - so now I think about it/worry about it. Weird.
If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. It infuriates me that other people would say crap like, "Oh, you'll change your mind!" Biology is *not* destiny and not every woman is going to want to have kids just because she's full of estrogen and has a uterus. *twitchtwitchtwitch* A good friend of mine posted the article 'In Defense of Being Childfree' in her LJ several years ago and I, loving it so very much, copied and pasted it into mine. The author lists all the common garbage people will give someone who wants to be childfree and counters it brilliantly. The article is in italics and my 'editorial remarks' are in regular print. http://hoppytoad79.livejournal.com/155511.html
Thank you for the laugh :o)
I'll second Gene's point of view...I'm 9 weeks past my vas, and first sample came back blanks. A little extra soreness for me, but nothing a tighter pair and careful movement couldn't fix.
It would be easier and less invasive if your husband had a vasectomy. It's an out-patient procedure, doesn't cost much and takes about 20 minutes which includes time waiting in the office.
ROFL I love you. Yes, make hubby get a Vasectomy, though I'm sure he's like every other man in the world and it would be 'taking away his manhood' and 'making him shoot blanks'. Men are such pussies, I swear :P Just remind him that it can be reversed and it's an outpatient thing. Snip snip. :P
Good luck, lol.
I think aversion to vasectomy is not so much a 'manhood' issue. We're programmed at a very deep level to reproduce, and anything that threatens to make us unable tends to be met with at least subconscious resistance.
Personally, i'd like a daughter; but i'd be 60 by the time she was grown. Yet when i consider vasectomy, there's this intangible feeling nagging from some back corner of my mind, that has nothing to do with machismo. Something back there doesn't want the factory shut down.
Even GH, with her adamant opposition to becoming a mother, was beset with a vengeful uterus nightmare. It's apparently a separate thing from whether or not we want (or are prepared) to actually raise the buggers.
I've gained 40+ pounds on my hormone replacement pills since my hyst in 1999. I had endo and was a mess inside (due to the tubal ligation I had 11 years prior to the hyst) so a hyst was supposed to be the cure-all, so I was told. Now I am fat, have no desire for sex and lost a husband because of that surgery. My ex told me I wasn't attractive to him any longer since I was now an "it". That hurt.
If there had been more options back then like taking meds to control periods or even stop them, like there are now, I would have gone that route instead. I did the best with what I had at the time.
While I do agree with the above anonymous poster about getting an IUD, I personally don't believe the Mirena is the best option (not to mention her posting was full of personal experiences/opinions, not facts). Especially if hormonal birth control wreaks such havoc on your body(it did the same to me). I opted for the ParaGard, which is ompletely hormone free and lasts for TEN years. There is also not the delay of waiting for the hormones to get out of your system if for some godforsaken reason you decide you want to remove it early. And mine was FREE at the health department.
At the end of the day it comes down to doing your research and choosing the method that is best for you. Research!! Knowledge is power etc. etc. etc.
Kids are shitty. Grandkids are great.
Have you tried the ring? It has a lower dose of hormones than the pill, and it really does stay in place.
Vasectomy is a nono. It isn't effective. My father had a vasectomy...BEFORE ME AND MY THREE SISTERS WERE BORN! Permanent birth control my ass. Also, tubal ligation can be reversed, and is also known to fail. Just stay on BC. Try the depro-provera shot or an IUD.
GH, i would just like to say YES to your decision about leaving your uterus just on where it is now... you are lucky enough to have it. there is this woman I know who barely has it at all. I mean, she has only the outline of her uterus but not that fully developed even if she's already at her 20s. she has taken pills/medications, but it didn't worked out. this means even if she would like to have babies when she's already married, she's almost out of hope... her OB told her it is only in GOD's time of when her uterus will really be developed.
So be thankful to God of what He has given unto you... OK?
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