July 13, 2009

But I'm a Celebrity, I Swear!!

Several months ago, when I was still fairly new to the Steakhouse I had a run in with some very memorable guests. The night had been a crazy one, but when things started to slow down a bit, three servers and the hostess ran outside for a quick cigarette. Being the only one who doesn't smoke I inherited every table, and the whole lobby to keep an eye on.

I was busy running around when I heard the front door bang loudly against the wall, as if it was violently thrown open. Startled, I turned around and saw a large group of men walking in. They were heavily tattooed, fully clad in leather and studded belts, had full beards, and they wore sunglasses, even though it was dark and we were indoors. I assumed they were members of Hells Angels, and were just passing through our tiny town in the middle of nowhere. I greeted them with a smile, and asked if they had a reservation as we were still fairly busy and there were quite a few of them.
Biker #1 leaned in uncomfortably close and snapped "What?! We don't need a reservation. Don't you know who we are"
Unfortunately I had no idea who they were, and without missing a beat I made sure to tell him such.
"Fine!! We need a table for 15, and make it private. We don't want to be bothered." Growled Biker #1.
After taking there order, curiosity got the best of me.

GH: "Ok, so who are you guys anyways?! Are you bikers?"

Biker #1: "We aren't no piece of shit bikers! We're a band"

GH: "A band, huh?"

Biker #2: "Uhhh..Ya, a Band... and we're kind of a big deal"
(Thanks Ron Burgundy)

GH: "Uhh, ya... sure you are"
*laughs and walks away

Back in the kitchen I told everyone what had happened, and one by one they went to take a look, all returning with blank, confused looks. Apparently nobody knew who they were.
An hour and 10 pitchers of beer later, the restaurant was bombarded by high school girls. Complete with squealing, screaming, picture taking, and autograph signing, our doubts about "The band" were laid to rest, though we still had no idea who the hell they were.

When I dropped their check, they continued to insist they were a famous band. At that point, it wasn't that I didn't believe them, rather that I just didn't give a shit. These guys strut into the steakhouse, chests over-inflated with pride, and expect me to hand feed them grapes while fanning them off with palm branches because they're some super popular band, well they can have a heaping portion of Fuck off, because I don't care.
Upon leaving, Biker #1 walks up to me, and while seriously invading my personal space, he grunts "Go home and Google us. You're going to feel really stupid when you see just how popular we are." So, I did Google them when I got home. I read that they were touring with Papa Roach, Avenged Sevenfold and Hinder, none of which I give a damn about. I read that their hit song was on top of the charts, and that they had been nominated for several Grammys.

I couldn't help but laugh because none of that mattered to me.
And I hoped that as they stumbled back into their tour bus they felt a little bit of humility, as they realized maybe they aren't really as big of a deal as they thought.

Now the questions remains, without consulting Google, and only having looked at them, would you have known who they were?

35 comments:

Equus said...

I just recently discovered your blog and really enjoy reading it!!

They are pretty well known but I certainly wouldn't have recognised them either (I had to look them up to see who they were - I was horrified such a well known band would act so hideously). Now at least I will remember who NOT to purchase a CD of...

That's the worst though, "celebrities" out there acting like asses because they somehow (??) think it's okay...or really anyone assuming that, because of their social/financial/etc status that everyone around them should feel privileged to wait on them hand and foot. Good job of putting them in their place by not allowing them to walk all over you ;)

www.theperfecthorse.blogspot.com

AK said...

Hilarious- no idea who they are. I tend to steer away from greasy people though as a general rule.

Yota Armai said...

Let's see I know what the music by papa roach and avenged sevenfold and hinder sounds like, but if you showed me picture of any of them I would be clueless because I don't watch MTV. So needles to say, even if I know their music, I have absolutely no idea who the people in this picture are.

PS I found your blog on accident, and love it. I've definitely done the waitress thing and I hear ya!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Is that Buckcherry? I'm not sure...

eternalcarryoutgirl said...

Nope, I would have had no idea, and I still have no idea who they are. =P

I'm glad I work in a tiny restaurant where celebrities don't bother to come...if one did, the restaurant would probably explode from all the people who would come piling in.

Anonymous said...

SO WHO ARE THEY?????

kate said...

They were just pissed because no, you really didn't know who they were (and didn't care), and hence, they might not have been such a big deal as they thought.

Looking at the picture, I still don't know who they are, except that they look painfully "generic rock band" and would probably generate more fame by courting Daisy de la Hoya.

The Veteran Server said...

Did they tip as though they had a lot of money? Thats my question. We've had a few celebs come through in the three years I've been at my restaurant. No one A-list, but people you recognize. Just in case you don't, they make a big deal of letting you know (like your band). Here's my thing. If you go through all that trouble to let me know who you are, I expect a hefty tip! But they rarely leave more than anyone else. Bummer. Lol! Great post! God bless.

rockygrace said...

Who they are? Hmmmmm ...... "asshats" would be my guess.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I would have no idea at all.

JumpIt said...

I'm 19 and still have no idea who they are LOL. I think the only band I listen to that falls into a similar category as them might b Nickelback...

I'm with you, though - I don't care WHO you are (or who you THINK you are).

Lone Waitress said...

I do know who they are from that picture, but I might not have realized who they were in person. I would have treated them exactly as you, being that I don't give a damn about celebrity status.
But maybe you should kick out all the other paying customers next time celebrities come in. That is what they expect after all and we can't disappoint them!

Bryna said...

Is that Fuel? AKA- One hit wonder? Yea, big effin deal.

Love it!

When I was waitressing I waited on 3 of the NY Rangers and drop-dead gorgeous wives and hadn't a clue. The wives should've tipped me off. Granted, they weren't d-bags, but I was wondering why people were taking pix of my table! HA!

gcbron said...

I have no idea who they are. They cannot be that famous. Did they leave a decent tip or was the tip added to the bill because it was a party of 15?

K.H. said...

Buckcherry? Psh, please. Any true metal head will tell you that these guys blow, lol.

kate said...

I used to work for an airline - one time not too long ago (otherwise known as LOOOONG after they were popular), a Backstreet Boy and his wife flew out on one of my flights. When I didn't instantly shower him with praise, freebies and an upgrade to first class, the wife threw an EPIC temper tantrum because "how DARE you - don't you know who we ARE?" I do, ma'am...the problem is that I just don't care.

Oh, and seriously, who is that band?

Anonymous said...

Ooh! Ooh! *I* know who they are! Yeah, I know!

....They're massive dicks! THAT'S who they are!

The person who said they're Buckcherry seems to be right, because I Google Image searched the name and found pics of these very guys. But I don't know crap about Buckcherry, and after reading this, I don't want to know. I heard of them a few times in passing, but I really thought this group died out a long time ago. No one I know ever talks about them, and most of my friends are into that genre of music. Guess they're not the hot crap they think they are.

If you're well-known in America, that just means you're up there with Jon and Kate Gosselin, Britney Spears, and Michael Vick. Not anywhere *I'd* want to be. Congrats on reaching that "lofty height," Butt--I mean, Buckcherry. *Snicker*

~DKM Marlink (Blogspot is being difficult and wouldn't let me comment as anything but an anonymous.)

G.H. said...

Buckcherry is right. And after listening to their music I realized WHY I had never heard of them. They are absolutely awful.

And for all you wondering, they left a decent tip but nothing to write home about.

Klaatu said...

If they actually were popular due to talent and hard work, they wouldn't be such dicks.
They have have fame they didn't earn and in ten years they will be washing the windows of your restaurant, and begging to be on a reality show.

redgirl said...

Lol...Buckcherry...
I wouldn't have known either, I'm with Yota Armai. I hear the music and I either like it or I don't. I wonder what would have been better (If you HAD known and they treated you like that): to still play dumb, or to throw on the sarcasm heavily. Like:
oh. My. GOD! If I weren't on shift right now I would totally have you sign my right shoulder with a sharpie!!

ilikedginger said...

OMG, how sad.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Not only did not recgonize them but I have no idea who Buckcherry is! They really would't have liked me!

uberregenbogen said...

They look like dicks. And the reports of them not being a worthwhile act don't surprise me. Huge egos tend not to leave much room for talent. Most of the best musicians are cool people, who are musicians first and famous second, and generally prefer that people don't go gaga over them all the time.

Grammy nominations in a mainstream category—especially metal—are nothing to shout about either. Post '70s mainstream metal is mostly mass produced crap, that—like most genres—is successful primary because of aggressive marketing at easy targets. You have to get off the beaten path to find the good stuff.

I like Kate's approach to the BSB wife. Their fame is simply not relevant to the situation at hand. It doesn't exempt them from basic courtesy.

mb. said...

very funny. & reminded me of a story a friend of mine has: we live in a small town in No. Central Fla that is hometown to more than one rock group from more than one era. In high school she waitressed at a well-known local restaurant & once during a music festival a we-think-you-should-know-who-we-are group pushed to the front of the line demanding service & she got to say "yeah, maybe you are famous but the guys from Sister Hazel put their names on the list before you, Less than Jake called ahead & Tom Petty is waiting in the bar with the Heartbreakers & Mudcrutch so it might be a while".

nativenapkin said...

I have encountered many celebrities over the years in my career in restaurants and always give them their privacy. So you could have told the wannabes you thought maybe they were being tired of being "mobbed" so you let them be.

If they were truly "famous" they wouldn't have said a word. I once had a server walk up to Carlos Santana (everyone on the staff recognized him except her) and say "You look familiar, have you dined with us before?" Now he comes back every year on his anniversary and asks for her.

Wide Lawns said...

Never heard of them. A lot of bands look exactly the same now anyway. It's like standard band uniform or something.

Gacktoholic96 said...

I actually know these guys... and I am someone who is NOT knowledgable about American music at all. And I mean that. I stopped listening to American music and the radio many many years ago. It's been at least 4 years since I stopped listening to it completely. (I still listen to music, just not American). So if I know them, then there's a pretty good chance they're actually famous and they aren't lying, though they didn't have to be all huffy and puffy about it. But you know, the type of music they make isn't mainstream, so I wouldn't expect everyone to know them.

For those who are curious, I first heard of them on VH1 when they did a special on rock star wives, and, to note, the bands featured were from an elite group of rock bands. Perhaps the fact they were included in that list means something. Anyway, the lead singer was really sweet and loving towards his wife, so if he treats his woman well, he can't be all that bad. Then I saw them when they performed on Jay Leno, I think, or maybe Conan O'Brien, and their song, "I'm Sorry" was actually good, and that's saying something coming from someone who's shunned American music. Other than that I haven't heard anything else from them or seen them anywhere else.

AnimalProtection said...

Haha.. no clue.. Just another bunch of wanna-be's..

Bonniejean said...

jesus, they sing the most misogynistic song I've ever heard, they're not famous they're assholes (btw, had no idea who they were until someone posted in the comments, but i do know that group sings that terrible song)

Hogwash Times said...

I used to work behind the scenes at the Indianapolis 500 every year for a long time, so I have met a large number of famous people from doing that since we provided their security. Every year, lots of celebs either attend or participate in the parade and other festivities for the 500.

From my experience, most of the BIG celebs are actually very nice, and are normal people that would really prefer if fans did not fall all over themselves. They get too much of that, and just want to enjoy some peace and quiet, and be around people that treat them as normal humans. It's usually the small-fry that acts like that, wanting to project the image that they are much more important than they really are.

Oh, and just in case anyone wonders, my personal fave based on attitude and personality after meeting and talking to more than 100 celebs is Jim Nabors, who is a very cool and down to Earth person, and hilariously funny.

Carrie said...

blink 182

Cheryl said...

No clue who they are. Never heard of Buckcherry because I don't listen to that kind of music.


To: All Famous People
From: Me
Subject: What Does and Does Not Impress Me

Does: Showing respect and courtesy for others, making requests and not demands, a down-to-earth attitude.

Does Not: Who you are, what you can do, the size of your fanbase, the size of your bank account, how many awards you've won, how awestruck others have been by your blinding good looks.

The more you demand to be treated like Somebody, the more inclined I am to treat you like Nobody. The reverse is equally true.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't tell who they were from the picture, but I know Buckcherry by their music. Which sucks.

Stephanie said...

I don't recall them.
And I don't care. Mainstream music is absolutely not mine.

Plus they look like they're made up.
We need reaaaally cool people. TATTOOED PEOPLE, PLEASE. Oh you look SO cool. You can't sing? You have no ideals? Doesn't matter. At last you have tattoos.

Suiiki said...

Buckcherry, the geniuses behind "Crazy Bitch" and other brilliant works of art.

yes, that is sarcasm you hear in my typing.