Gall Bladder Removal.

One Saturday Elvira was keeled over in the bar holding her stomach in excruciating pain. She was sent home early because eventually she couldn't even hold herself upright. She called in sick the next three shifts. Nobody knew what the hell was going on, so on her fourth missed shift Manager C told her she needed a doctors note. Upon visiting the doctor she learned she had cholesterol gallstones, and would need a Cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal).

Prior to the surgery, she had some lab work done, as is a common practice. She had a tox screen, a UA, and a CBC. After reviewing the results, the doctor warned Elvira about the dangers of her particular habits. To which she replied "It's my life, I will do what I want."
Classy Elvira, classy.

Post surgery Elvira was in a recovery consultation. She was once again urged to discontinue all drug, tobacco, and alcohol usage, as these could dramatically effect her rehabilitation. She once again irresponsibly declined.

As their meeting was drawing to a close, he quickly wrote her a prescription for 1000mg Ibuprofen. She immediately announced that she wanted something stronger, to which he replied that she would not be in much pain, and that anything stronger then the ibuprofen could possibly do more damage to her digestive system.

Frantically she tried again, demanding that she absolutely HAD to have something stronger for the pain. Leaning back in his chair, he removed his glasses, and said...


"You're clearly an alcoholic, you reek of stale pot, and your uncontrollable jitters and grumpiness would suggest that the last two days without a cigarette have been anything but delightful. I will NOT be giving you anything stronger. You really think its wise to get addicted to another substance?"

Kudos on your bed-side manners Dr. House, I'm sure you wont be to surprised to find out she's working on a case to sue your honest ass. I know I wasn't.

And Tonight's Special Is

Last weekend we featured the Brazilian BBQ Buffet that I mentioned briefly here. It did so well that we decided to serve it again this weekend to celebrate Fathers Day.
When I arrived at work I saw a message taped to the kitchen wall.

"Sell 10 Buffets win 2 tickets to the Movies"

So I clocked on, and immediately got a 4 top. Before I had time to get their drink orders, let alone try and push the special, they had already ordered 4 Buffets.
Maybe this was going to be easier then I thought.

I went to the back and was making 4 tally's on the board when I was approached by Dolly, who is known to be a very competitive up-seller (mentioned here).

Dolly: "4 already huh? Did you sell it to them??!!"

GH: "Well, they already knew what they wanted"

Dolly: "It doesn't count then, you have to actually GET them to buy it"
*Moves forward and erases my tally's

GH: "Excuse me. But the Steakhouse doesn't give a shit HOW we sell 10, they just want us to sell 10."
*Re-Tally's 4 buffets

Dolly: "Whatever... I know I could never feel good about winning if I didn't actually get 10 sells."

GH: "That's to bad. I'll think of you while I'm enjoying my free movie."


I sold 14. How's that for irony you crazy psycho.

Eating at the Steakhouse

As I have mentioned in the past, The Steakhouse use to be my favorite restaurant in town, as well as my husbands. It was in fact the place where we went on our first date, and so over the past few years we would frequent it together on special occasions. However since I began working there, our visits became less and less. The problem being, once I begin working somewhere as a server, I feel strange and awkward coming in as a guest to eat. I feel that I am never given proper service, as the waiters and waitresses become my friends, and the novelties of special things that are now at my daily disposal lose there value and are therefore not interesting to me anymore. ( The yeast rolls and honey butter, the peanuts on the floor...and so on)
Well, last night was the hub's birthday so naturally I allowed him to pick the restaurant. He chose the steakhouse, as it's still his favorite and he hasn't gone in once since I began employment. I agreed, and so we went in to have dinner.
Dolly was our waitress, so I expected we'd be taken care of. Much to my dismay she pretended like she didn't even know us, almost as if we were first time guests. She proceeded to try and hard sell us everything from add cheese and bacon, to top shelf liquor. I was a bit annoyed throughout the meal, mostly because I know the menu, I know my options, and I did not want any thing except exactly what I ordered.
After we finished eating she came to us offering dessert. I said no, and she tried again saying "are you sure you don't even want a piece of cheesecake??" I said no thanks, and she tried one more time saying that we just had to try the chocolate cake. I was so annoyed and just wanted her to leave us the hell alone when I said "No dessert. Its my husbands birthday and we have two cakes and two gallons of ice cream at home waiting for us." She stepped back looking shocked, and said "So, nothing then?!?" I just looked at her and shook my head. How dense.

I picked up the bill and noticed she had charged me for my iced tea. Now, i'm all open for discussion on this topic, but I never charge a fellow team member for any soft drink/tea/coffee. I also noticed she had added small charges to my husbands meal for slight modifications. I thought at this point I couldn't be any more frustrated with her, until I saw her dumb smiling face walking around the corner ringing the cow bell and hollering with the entire crew coming to sing the birthday song for my husband.

I have never wanted to stiff a waitress more then I did then.

Meet the Staff Part 3.

The Co-Workers
Part 2

6. Elvira- With even bigger hair and absurd amounts of make up, this bartender looks worse then the Mistress herself. She's a very sweet hearted gal, but as a woman living in the 21st century, I cannot figure out her sense of fashion and style. Working with her makes everyday feel like Halloween, and I left my costume at home.


7. Crippled Vet- This douche-tank is my least favorite person at the Steakhouse. He's been around almost as long as Crack Whore, and is the biggest baby I have ever met. He is in his early 30's, and spent like 10 minutes in Iraq a few years ago, and he wines and complains every single shift about his war injury's, and mental distress even though we all know he was discharged for sleep-talking. Now, don't get me wrong, I respect and honor our war veterans, but this guy is hardly one, he just claims so to get out of doing side-work, rolling silverware, or bussing his own tables. (and No, we do not have a busser, he makes the Host do it.)


8. Tween Surprise-These lovely teenage ass wipes (mentioned here) are the newest members at the Steakhouse. They all bring with them a plethora of high school drama bullshit, and won't shut up about boyfriends, pep ralleys, and there first time giving a blow job. They are incredibly excited about life, and are oblivious to the reality of becoming an adult. Often overheard bragging about spending there last $60 dollar paycheck on a new Ipod, and an Abercrombie mini skirt, these retards annoy me simply because I know for a fact I wasn't like that at 17.

Meet the Staff Part 2.

The Co-Workers
Part 1

1. Crack Whore-Crack whore has worked at the Steakhouse since before it was the steakhouse, and longer then everyone including the managers, which automatically gives her the right to act like she owns the place. Having lost more then 90 pounds in less then 3 months, and having more men ask for her section then a Prostitute on a busy night in Vegas, we all know her secret.


2.Pregnant Bitch- (Also known as the vicious table thieving K.B) She's having a rough pregnancy, I get that, but don't take you morning sickness, ass cramps, and headaches out on me. She's the real nasty fighter type to. The key your car, stab your tires and sleep with your boyfriend if you cross her type.

3. Pregnant Bitch's Husband- This is the funniest, most sarcastic fucking guy I have ever met. and one of my favorite people to work with, unless his wife is working.

4. Pregnant Bitch's Husband's Sister- Have I told you yet that almost every person here is related in some form. Sister is pretty decent however. She trained me, and taught me all the half-assed ways to skimp on everything from side-work, to paying my checkout at night. She's also as witty and sarcastic as her brother, making for an interesting and entertaining combination for the rest of us when they get into an argument.


5. Dolly Parton-5 Time divorcee, is always looking for a new sugar daddy. With an age guess of about 60, she is always getting gifts from numerous men whom she brags about sleeping with. She claims to be plastic surgery free, but the woman looks like a mix between Dolly/Joan River and the creepy Cat Lady but She is a great server, as expected since she's been doing it for the last 45 years.

Things that could make me stab a coworker.

Today was almost perfect. I got to work early. Did my side-work, prepped my section, stocked my peanuts, clocked in, and was ready to go. I was first off, so I knew if I got my stuff done early I could jet the second I was cut off the floor.

My first ten or so tables were amazing. Very friendly, easy, straightforward orders, not alot of extra running around. Their food came out just right, and nobody had to send anything back. Now in a Steakhouse it is quite common to send back an under-cooked Medium Well, or an over cooked Rare, and I understand that. If you are spending 25-30 dollars on a piece of meat it sure as hell better be perfect. But not today. Everyone was perfectly happy with there dinner, and then left 20-30% percent tips. I was in a great mood and then it began, so subtle at first.

A very well dressed man and woman with British accents were sat in my section. They asked to see a wine list, and I went to go grab them one.

Now, I might mention that in the restaurant world, each server is given a very specific section, and must stick to those tables, unless either 1. The manager shifts us to ease up on a server that is struggling, or 2. We personally ask another server to take a table, and they agree.

Well, British Couple order a $75 dollar bottle of wine, and seem very interested in the 30 dollar special. So as I walk to the bar to get the wine, I do some quick math in my head, and figure that I should be getting no less then $25 from this table if I do everything right, and they tip accordingly. This was an exciting thought, as I knew I would be cut soon, and wouldn’t have many more tables.

I head back to their table with the bottle when I see a fellow waitress taking their order, I assume she is just being helpful, so I proceed to the table and pour their wine and say

“I’ll go track down K.B and make sure to get your order in right away…”

They smile and nod.

In the kitchen I see K.B, thank her for her help and then ask her for there order, when she responds

“I’ll just go ahead and take the table since I already went through all the trouble of taking their order, but you can have the next table that sits in my section.”

Well, I did take the next table that sat in her section. They were complete assholes, and stiffed me on a $60 dollar bill. While needless to say K.B got a $45 tip from the lovely British couple in my section.

Now, I guess this is all my fault. You’re right I could have told her no, but I really hate to cause riffs. That coupled with the fact that I’m still considered the FNG, and there was no way I was gonna start shit with a 5 year veteran.

And just to pour a little more salt in the wound, when she asked how my table in her section tipped me and I said $0, she laughed and said…

“I guess you should have kept the other table after all….”

Bitch.