August 15, 2009

Cooking Burns and Stripper Poles

Elvira is scandalous. The more I work with her, the more I feel the need to come home and disinfect everything I own. It started subtly. A naughty comment here, a blow job in the walk-in there. Before I knew it she was describing to me vivid sex-dreams in intimate details.

She wants to fuck 90% of the male employees at the steakhouse, and would probably have a go at most of the ladies to. She's been warned about making off-colored remarks because sound echos in the kitchen, and the front half of the restaurant can usually hear everything that is said, however most of the time she comes to work to drunk, hungover, or to strung out to care.

One evening this week she came to work with her arm bandaged up, and tucked safely in a sling. She said she burnt her arm pretty badly while cooking, when the always witty and clever BB said loudly,

"Right...It's probably a friction burn from your stripper pole."

Everyone laughed hysterically, and Elvira blushed as she replied,

"I wish I knew how to pole dance."

Several hours later BB and I happened to be back in the dish pit when he said,

"Seems weird thinking of her burning herself cooking. It just doesn't fit, Elvira....cooking...?!!"

To which I replied,

"Yeah...Cooking Meth maybe?"

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I sometimes find myself following a blog and then the blogger disappears and quits writing. I hope this doesn't happen to you, as your stories are a riot. The mundane and boring ones are the best-- there doesn't have to be a huge event for you to make the funny observations I love. Keep it up!

Agnieszka said...

Well I'm Pole and for me it's terrible that my compatriots behave abroad like Elvira.
Please, don't think that all Poles are the same like she.


ego_aga@tlen.pl

R.A. said...

We don't have anyone that bad, but our head server used to come in still drunk from the night before all the time. I think she had to be talked to about it a couple times. She can get away with almost anything though, since she's head server.

Aunty Pol said...

Gods..I'd want to wash my hands just being in the same room with her....EWWWWWWWWWW

Bella said...

hahaha!

JustTheReceptionist said...

ah the inappropriate co worker! always good for a giggle ;)

The Cartoonist said...

So where the hell is G.H. now? I want more steak restaurant stories!

AK said...

Do you think it's a little bit of an act? Or is she just 100% ridiculous?

Sauce said...

love your stuff. added you to my blog roll...wanna put me on yours? :)

http://girlandguitar.blogspot.com/

Kat said...

you know, most of the restaurant industry smokes weed, drinks, or messes with some kind of other substances...youre in the minority. and aint nothing wrong with that except im a little put off that you think this chick is disgusting or unsanitary just cuz of her drug use that you assume but dont even know for certain about. I mean if the girls dirty shes dirty, but not using drugs is not exactly a part of good hygiene. some druggies are skanky people all around, but thats cuz theyre skeezy skanks. I am a former longtime weed smoker (quit, thanks probation) and *gasp* ex heroin addict...and you never woulda been able to tell from looking at me. at least a shower a day and clean and fresh from head to toe any day of the week, high or not. Just wanted to point out your pretty obvious bias against drug users, when probably half of the people you work with or are friends with use something or other here and there and you dont even know. sure like i said, maybe this girl is just a grade-a ho-bag skeezerella, but if she is, it aint the drugs that made her that way, its just her nature. IMO, holding prejudices that are really not true is more of a unattractive habit than the substances a person chooses to put in their body. Just sayin'....