September 17, 2009

Confessions Collection


Since 90% of my year is spent with my nose deep in the books, when each school term is finished I usually have a few weeks to unwind, stay in my pj's all day, veg out and watch the episodes of all my favorite shows that I've missed. So to commemorate my finishing Gossip Girl Season 2 in less than 4 days, I have decided to feature a weekly Confession, written by you of course.

Are you a waitress, a pizza delivery driver, a barista, a grocery store checker, a nurse, or a retail salesman? If you work in any from of customer service and have ever fucked with a customer unbeknownst to them, please share it here. Tell me your deepest darkest secrets. Tell me about the time you spit on a pizza, or the time you ate food from a patrons plate after removing it from their table. Tell me about pouring Visine into someones drink, or giving that hot guy a discount on sharp Cheddar at the store. I want the gruesome details! And don't worry, It'll remain anonymous unless you request otherwise.

To begin this new feature on Confessions of a Part Time Waitress, I will start by sharing a secret of my own.
When I was 16 I worked at Little Caesars Pizza. On many occasions during my delivery's I would sneakily eat a bread stick out of the bag. Since each bag came with 8, I figured nobody would ever find out. To this day I don't know if anyone did.

Now its your turn. Just type it into the box on your left!

19 comments:

JumpIt said...

I give decaf coffee to the customers who come and and insist they get coffee RIGHT NOW because they have a headache coming on from needing caffeine. I love checking back and having them thank me for their "caffeine fix".

Anonymous said...

When bagging fat peoples' purchases at the convenience store I used to work at, I would press my thumb into any type of snack cake purchases they made.

Sadly, most of them were buying said snack cakes.

HG Brit said...

When I was a cashier, I would do a ton of stuff to mess with people who annoyed me (which was just about everyone). If they used 8 coupons, you could guarantee I was throwing away any new ones they earned. If they paid with $100 bill, I would give them change in the largest bills I had. If they came through express with 30 items, after glaring at them, I would pack their bags too heavily, hoping something would break the minute they walked out the door.

Now that I'm a waitress, I'm trying to find new ways to subtly mess with people. Other than messing with food (which is too gross for me), I haven't really thought of anything.

Anonymous said...

When I worked as a cashier, I would press down on the scale plate when weighing the produce of people who annoyed me, or who gave me half-eaten fruit (ew!) to ring in to increase their total. I'd also pack any garbage they left on the belt in with their groceries, and do my best to align any trash with liquid in it so it would spill before they got home.

Miz Dinah said...

Hee hee...evil! I like it!

Anonymous said...

Visine in the drink is an urban myth: http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp

eternalcarryoutgirl said...

Recently, a lady calling in a carryout order was extremely rude and impatient with me (she had to wait on hold for about a minute, maybe two, while I dealt with an extremely slow couple at the register). She also said she wasn't coming to pick up her order for about an hour. Rather than wait, I had the cooks make her order right then and let it sit for a long time under the heat lamp. I stuck the rolls in the gravy and let the butter melt and the coleslaw get warm.

Carryout is great for passive-aggressive revenge.

Wendy said...

I am such a goody two shoes. I never did any of this stuff. I would have felt too badly.

The worst thing I ever did was abandon a table. I refused to go back over to those assholes, and I dared my manager to fire me.

Maybe it was because I looked like I HOPED HE WOULD, but he sent someone else over there.

For anonymous... I don't think she meant it as a serious thing. It sounded like a tongue-in-cheek thing. Hello!

Amanda said...

I've never been a waitress or in retail, but... reading these depresses me. I like to think I'm a pretty good customer, especially since I always tip above 20%, but thinking that my ditziness, which probably does make me annoying, leads to some petty people actually tampering with my food makes me sad for people.

I thought people never actually did that stuff-- it makes me sad that some people actually are that passive-aggressive and petty.

G.H. said...

Amanda- Yes, people do these types of things. You would understand if you had worked with the general population.

Anonymous said...

Amanda--Don't worry, we don't mess with your food. We mess with your BILL.

How's that for depressing, you judgmental turd.

gcbron said...

I worked my way through college by working as a valet parker at a high end hotel. When people didn't tip or were rude we would let the air out of their tires or pull fuses. When they come back to get their car we would offer to change the tire for a fee. Often they protested that AAA would come out but after being told there was a 3 hour wait for AAA most would relent. When you have a rented convertible and the fuses are pulled the top doesn't go down, the lights and wipers don't work.

Bryna said...

Really impatient tables would always get the "delay on ring in" orders. Oops, did I forget to order that. I'm SO sorry. It almost was worth the bad tip they would leave me. And it left me the extra time to tend to the tables that WERE treating me well! The good tips far made up for the d-bags.

Anonymous said...

This confession is about the revenge I exacted on a co-worker..

I worked with a lazy waitress who could never be found when it was her turn in rotation. One slow day, I went to the patio to check on a two-top to find the waitress sitting with my table, drinking a beer. I asked "Are you cut", and she said "No", and giggled as she continued drinking.

In walks a three top, and since the waitress is having such a good time, I take the table. I don't consider this unfair, as the restaurant we're working in is about to close down for good, and this is the second-to-last day before this happens..Which means, I'm hustlin' my ass off to make sure I can still make my rent.

Anyway...

The next day (close-down day) I receive an e-mail from the owner, telling me that he doesn't want me coming in, because poor Lazy Waitress didn't make any money the day before. How the hell is this my fault or problem? He says it's because he was told I "took all the tables" and didn't use rotation. Not true! And not only this, but I'm told Lazy had also gone to the bartender with her sob story, and guilted her into giving her "pity-cash". I furiously defended myself, and tell the owner that I'm coming in anyway, regardless. Later I had to defend myself to the conned bartender, and let her know what a sucker she was for letting Lazy dupe her.

Throughout the night, I notice that Lazy has finally snapped to it, hustling and snaking tables all night--even though she gets in the weeds if she has more than two things going at once. She ran to every table that would come in, take their drink order, and take 20 minutes to serve it to them. This girl, who I used to get along with, has shown herself to be a lying troll obviously only motivated by spite. I sat back and watched the inevitable happen as I stop my usual teamwork, and let dishes pile up on her tables, food sit and get cold in the expo, and basically watch her fall to pieces at the computer, guaranteeing her lousy tips. She's so sloppy and unorganized, she has cash and credit card receipts spread all over the bar and waitress station..

So..

At the end of the night, I see three twenties lying beside the computer..Right out in the open. Anyone could have easily swiped it.

"Anybody" did.

That's what you get for being a sad-sack lying jerk. Waitresses are a bitter lot, and revenge is lurking around every kitchen, dished up cold.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, don't mess with peoples food, because karma is a bastard. As a bartender, the only passive-aggressive thing I do is either short the cheapskates on their alcohol...or name their bill something appropriate; Douchebag, Mista Paya Next Week, or something stupid like that. I just have to remember to change the check names before I print the bill, because I forgot one time...and well, that didn't go over to well!

Anonymous said...

How sad. I base my tip on how good the service is, if some one got a bad tip it's because they sucked as waiter/waitress. I'm not one of those high maintainence tables either. I used to wait and bartend, have had lots of customer service jobs besides those... I always treat a customer I would like to be treated. At the same time I am also understanding when some one is slammed or just having one of those days.

Cold food, "forgotten" orders, etc means I stop going to that restaurant/fast food place and find some other place to support with my hard earned money.

Anonymous said...

Most of these confessions are way beyond "messing with" customers and many are actually criminal violations

Anonymous said...

Yes, what I used to do as a server, and especially as a food runner/expediter: on shifts I was hungry and not willing to spend my own money, I would collect pieces of food from every plate to make a full meal. For example, at PF Chang's, orders like Orange Chicken, Sweet and Sour dishes, any plates with a variety of parts, would all be eligible to munch from. I would use toothpicks, often, or a fork, and slowly eat piece by piece for an hour, or slowly build a plate of food I would have stashed above the food window. Items like rice (at Chang's), or breadsticks at other places, or even soups are easy to acquire to complement the meal. One place we had to fill the hot bread drawer with fresh gorgonzola-packed foccacia bread, and that would always make a quick meal, with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, in a jiffy...

I'd also befriend all the Spanish speaking cooks, since I speak Spanish as well, and they would hook me up with their own special, delicious creations...! I could build a $2.50 plate if I knew how to order the items a la carte, depending on where I worked. For example, the option of extra chicken on, let's say pasta, would ring up on their till, which would be a chicken breast, grilled, for $2.50, plus any sides that I could grab, again, like rice, salad, soup,bread, etc...

Whitswife said...

I've done it, we've all done it. When you seem to get shafted with the old people, or the group of young kids, they tend to piss us off. No I never messed with anyone's food but when they asked for diet coke, i gave them regular, or vice versa. Just simple little things that they don't notice that just makes me giggle. Once a lady bitched to me all night that her soup was cold, after taking it back 4 count it 4 different times, I finally nuked her shit for 2 minutes in a commercial microwave and stuck her spoon in a cup of hot water from the coffee machine. She didn't bitch after that.