September 21, 2009

Confessions of a Cokehead

When hubby and I first met during the awkward prepubescent years, we were like two zit faced tweens in a Proactive commercial. We smiled at each other with metal faces as I knelt down to give him a kiss. See, I had a growth spurt before most kids my age, and was much like an amazonian walking several feet above my peers. Though it was a successful year for me and sports, it was not uncommon for me to hear shouts of "She-Man" and "Giraffe" echoing down the halls.

Like most things that happen during the ages of 11-14, we pray they stay buried and locked within the walls of our junior high, our relationship was certainly one of them. Pictures were burned to hide the evidence that I had, in fact, dated a midget.

Six years later when hubby and I ran into each other again, I was happy to see that he was no longer 4'8, but was still as thin as ever. We started dating immediately and four years later we were married. Though he was still shorter then me, this time it was only by mere inches, rather then entire feet as was the case in junior high. We were finally on level playing field. Until slowly, I began gaining the dreaded marriage weight I had heard horror stories about. While some will be quick to blame the birth control, I will admit the fault was nobodies but my own... and whole milk, and ice cream. Four months after the wedding, I was shocked when my favorite skinny jeans didn't fit anymore.

In effort to save money, the grocery shopping was down to mainly essentials, and since hubby needs high calorie food and drink to keep up his weight (lucky bastard) I found myself buying whole milk, pasta, and Pepsi. (yes, Pepsi is an essential).
Once I identified the culprit I immediately changed my shopping habits. I began buying skim milk, non-fat ice cream and Diet Pepsi for myself, while still buying high calorie foods for him. Within months I had lost most of the weight, and rejoiced as I slipped effortlessly into my favorite jeans.
One night last week I called hub, and asked if he could pick me up a Diet on his way home. When he arrived home with Coke, I threw a fit. After a four month love affair with Diet Pepsi, I felt that drinking any thing else was an abomination. Three 2-liters in two hours later, I was addicted. I began bathing in it, washing my dishes with it, and feeding it to my kitten. I filled my car, my cereal and my aquarium with it. I washed my clothes, filled the hot tub, and watered my plants with it. I dreamt of it at night, and made love to it during the day. Thank you husband for accidentally bringing it home that fateful night that changed my life. I will now fight anyone who says that Diet Pepsi is better.


And on a completely unrelated note, this is the funniest blog ever!! Go check it out, and leave some love. Adnoxious.blogspot.com

13 comments:

Wendy said...

It is obvious to me that you have not discovered the wonder and glory that is...

DIET DR PEPPER.

Throw out that coke shit.

G.H. said...

So, Dr Pepper was my Favorite drink for years and years...as much as I want to pretend that diet is just as good, I just cant. Its almost depressing.

JumpIt said...

I think I may be the last individual on earth who is OK with just water LOL

Hayley said...

I will kill people who say Diet Pepsi is better. However, my new love is Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper.

Agatha Christie said...

I'm starting the GI diet, and soft drinks with/without caffeine are strictly verboten. Giving up Coca Cola is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I did it once in high school and continues to be an issue.

Waitress X said...

Diet Coke is the nectar of the gods!

The only thing saving my teeth from rotting is the fact that my restaurant carries Pepsi products.

hoppytoad79 said...

Aspartame breaks down into, among other things, formaldehyde in the body. I've met and know of more than a few people who were misdiagnosed with MS because of the symptoms aspartame was causing, and when, for one reason or another, they stopped eating aspartame all their problems went away. It's nasty stuff. Finding food that doesn't contain lots of sugar or lots of aspartame is a real pain in the rear end because it's like everything contains one or the other. Splenda's bad for you, NutraSweet is bad for you...heck, what *isn't* bad for you? The day I find it, I'm buying it in bulk and storing it in my garage.

Anonymous said...

Try a diet coke from Sonic. Your life will never be the same.

purplegirl said...

Waitress X, that's exactly what my mom used to call it. :) Until she decided she wanted to be Hispanic and started drinking Corona instead of soda ....

I tolerate Diet Pepsi because that's what we have at work, but I much prefer Diet Coke.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I love Diet Coke so much. It's best from a can, in my opinion, and second best from a fountain and made with crappy city water. Bottled is gross.

Anonymous said...

I've heard that aspartame thing before and was alarmed - doing research I found there's little support behind it:
http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/aspartame.asp

I actually switched from Diet Pepsi to Diet Rite (gross) because there was a big difference, for me, between phenylalanine and aspartame - drinking Diet Pepsi/Coke I would get occasional (1-3 a month) migraines, complete with visual hallucination, nausea, light sensitivity, etc.
But that's not phenyl's fault, just my own reaction. I don't think these chems are the devil. Also, I'll be the lone voice crying out for Diet Pepsi - I far preferred the increased carbonation DP seems to have over the sweeter flavor of DC.

Heather V. said...

Though I'm pretty sure the commenter above me is my husband (called OUT!), I have to disagree and say he's completely wrong. I prefer straight Pepsi over straight Coke, but vice-versa for diets. I don't even like diet soda, but I get occasional cravings for Diet Coke that nothing else will satisfy.

Mary Sheehan Winn said...

nothing like a frosty Diet Coke fresh from 10 minutes in the freezer. Nectar of the gods, indeed!
I'm pleased to read that blurb about the aspartame, since I don't plan on giving up my 'drug'